I, like many students, had to read Hemingway's "The Old Man and the
Sea" in high school. The symbolism used in that story was powerful,
don't get me wrong. But the basic plot-line of 'man goes fishing' got a
bit tedious for me personally. As a girl living in Suburbia, California
my fishing expeditions were quite limited (i.e: never happened. Yup,
never in my life have I ever been fishing and, after reading that book,
I'm not dying to go).
One of the parts of that novel that I
distinctly remember is when the old man is bartering with God for his
life--he offers to do a certain number of Hail Mary's in order to get
something that he wants (I can't remember if it's to catch the fish or
just to survive...) and I remember being a little skeptical at that.
Even at sixteen, I questioned that approach to prayer. I wasn't raised
Catholic so I've never said a Hail Mary or the Lord's Prayer in my life.
But bartering with God...can you do that?
I haven't thought
about that in YEARS. I mean honestly, I haven't thought about reading
that book in AP English 3 in Mr Warren's class since I left that
classroom on the last day of junior year. So why the heck was that what
was going through my mind at 4 am this morning?
Waking up in pain is awful. I swear that physical pain gets about
10,000x worse in the wee hours of the morning. There might be some
psychological research to back me up on this--maybe it's because you're
so overly tired that your senses are just heightened? Or maybe it's
because you're just already so upset about losing sleep that it seems
worse than it is? I've no idea. But pain between the hours of midnight
and 6 am is much more excruciating than any other window of time--which
is odd because my broken arm, broken finger, and appendicitis all
happened during daylight hours but I swear the pain pales in comparison.
My neck felt sore when I went to bed last night but I woke up at like
4 in the morning with my right shoulder, neck, and head all in pain. I
lay there and tried to get comfortable, but I felt like there was this
huge pinched nerve in my neck and shoulder topped off with a pounding
headache. Ow.
Waking up in the wee hours of the morning is weird anyways. You never want to be too
awake because then it becomes impossible to fall back asleep, but you
have to wake yourself up to a point of consciousness so that you can
distinguish between what you were dreaming about and what is actually
happening. In my case, I had to make the distinction at 4 am that I was
home at my parent's house and as not in fact having a sleepover at my
best friends' girlfriend's house.
Trying to walk the fine line between sleep-walking and fully-awake, I
went out to the kitchen for some Advil and an ice-pack to lay on. I
crawled back in bed and was just in agony. I have no a clue as to what I
did, but holy Hannah it was painful.
"Heavenly Father...I
really need to sleep tonight. Can you please just take this pain away
from me so that I can get some sleep?"
That's when I started to get profound and deep at 4 am.
This has to be one of the most common prayers all around the world.
I don't pretend to be naive enough to believe that everyone in the
world turns to a higher power during painful sleepless nights. Atheists
have their own way of coping, I'm sure. But at that moment...I would
have read scriptures for 8 hours in the morning if it meant that the
Advil would kick in faster and let me fall back asleep.
It was
at that moment when "The Old Man and the Sea" flooded my mind and I
suddenly had complete and total empathy for the old man. At our weakest
and most vulnerable moments, we lose all of our pride and turn to the
Lord with complete and utter submission. We will do anything that He
asks of us if it means that we receive His help and His protection.
It's not bartering at all. It's humility.
Martin Luther, the Reformist who nailed his 95 Theses on the door of
the Catholic church, had a similar experience. When traveling through a
lightning storm, he swore to become a monk if the Lord would spare his
life. There are many men who fought in wars overseas who came home and
devoted their life to God or became baptized into different
denominations of churches for the very same reasons.
"Why do bad things happen to good people?"
Because sometimes we refuse to accept His help and make the changes we
need to make without being pushed. When there's nothing more we can do
for ourselves, we turn to the only person who could make it better and
we're willing to do whatever it takes to qualify for His help.
Showing posts with label Prayer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Prayer. Show all posts
Friday, August 16, 2013
Thursday, March 21, 2013
Disney or School?! :O
To say that is has been an interesting week, would definitely have to be an understatement. Like I said last week, I applied for the Disney College Program for the Fall 2013 semester. If I was accepted, I'd be working at a theme park in either Anaheim or Orlando from mid-August to early-January. This was my third time applying and, quite honestly, I really wasn't planning on being accepted.
Well, hold on. Let me back up to last Friday night. After moving back up to school last month, it's a safe bet to say that I've spent the majority of my time at my friend Stephanie's apartment. We're in the same apartment complex, but she's on the second floor and I'm on the first. Aside from sleeping or doing homework, I'm pretty much living at Steph's apartment. It works out quite nicely though because she has an empty bed in her room since the girl living there has left to serve a mission. So Friday night, I decided to just spend the night at Steph's apartment and then go with her up to the temple early Saturday morning.
I love being at school dearly...but there aren't many activities to choose from so we usually rely on card games. One of Steph's roommate has turned us on to playing this game called "PooHead". If you've ever played "Scum" or "Idiot', the rules are pretty similar. The game is strangely addicting! The last person to get rid of all of their cards is the PooHead. Who wants to end the night with the title of PooHead?! NOBODY wants to end the festivities with that kind of shameful name. So after about a billion times of saying "Ok wait no! One more round!" somehow we looked up and realized that we had been playing PooHead for 4 hour and it was now 3 in the morning. Blame it on the lack of sleep, but for some reason we thought it'd be a good idea to just not go to bed. The temple opens up at 6 am and we'd start getting dressed to go at about 5... Eh, why get only 2 hours of sleep? Might as well just stay up and sleep after the temple. So how do you kill 2 hours in the wee hours of the morning? Naturally, we got out Monopoly and passed the time that way.
At this point, I'd like to take the opportunity to speak out AGAINST staying up all night before going to the temple. It was fun and memorable, definitely. But probably not the wisest decision. Bless those sweet temple workers for keeping the chapel so nicely heated and warm...but I'll admit it was hard to keep my eyes open while we sat there... BUT it still was a good experience! While in the chapel, I was able to pray about the Disney College Program and I just didn't feel good about the whole situation. I wrote off my uneasiness as just being too tired and figured I wouldn't have to worry about it for a few more weeks.
To say that I was pretty surprised to see an email from Disney in inbox on Monday would be an understatement. I was accepted! They were offering me a place in their attractions department in Florida! I was stunned and excited and overwhelmed all at once. Spending a semester in Florida?! YES PLEASE! I've never been to DisneyWorld before and I was ridiculously excited!
I prayed a lot that morning, wanting so badly to just feel good about my decision to go to Florida. But I just DIDN'T. I was rationalizing and justifying and explaining over and over and over...and I just felt this empty pit in my stomach. I knew that was my answer, but I didn't want to believe it. So I called my Mom and told her. She couldn't talk long, so I emailed both of my parents and explained the program, how long I'd be gone for, what I'd be doing and the whole 9 yards. In hindsight, I think that I secretly was hoping that my parents would just talk some sense into me and tell me it wasn't a good idea. When I had told them about the program in the past, they both were pretty skeptical. But not this time! Both thought that it sounded like a great opportunity. I think my Dad emailed me about 9 different versions of an Excel spreadsheet to estimate how much money I would becoming home with. The parental units stated they would support me with whatever I chose to do.
There was no more relying on them. The decision was totally on me. Before getting the acceptance email, I had mentally made fantastic plans to be productive and get homework done...but that all went out the window as soon as Disney became an option. I had no idea there were SO many blogs written by college kids doing the Disney College Program. In case you're wondering, there are a ton. I got sucked into it. I read and read and read and read. I REALLY wanted to go.
But then I began to really think about what I would be giving up. One of my best friends will be coming home from his mission in August and fall semester will be his first semester up at school. My cousin will be home in July and he'll be up at school too. I haven't seen either one of them in 2 years! Fall semester would be my last semester with my roommate Hannah before she graduates. I'd miss out on all of those wonderful bonding opportunities watching The Vampire Diaries with her! I'd miss having weekly dinners with my cousins. I've always lived over 12 hours away from my extended family, so have weekly dinners has been a really fun tradition now that we're all at the same school. And maybe it's because so many people around me are getting engaged and married, but there are really a limited number of holiday seasons that I'll get to spend with my family before I actually move away, get married, and then have to split holidays up between my family and the in-laws I'll one day have. We went to Disneyland for Thanksgiving last year and there's really nothing more beautiful than Disney when they're celebrating Christmas...but to think that I'd miss out on Christmas morning... Was working with Mickey Mouse really worth all of that?? I've been out on my own for probably about a year and a half now. I absolutely LOVE it! I love the independence that comes with it! But I've always lived with people who have shared my faith. There's no guarantee who my roommates would be. Working 50 hours a week is a lot of stress...and to be living with people that I don't get along with? Florida would seem pretty lonely...
At this point in my decision-making, I was really conflicted. I texted my friend Sara and we went to the indoor track. Whenever one of us have something big on our mind, we go walking. It's therapeutic. I don't know if Sara necessarily tells me what I need to hear...or if it's just that she's a good sounding board to hear all of my word-vomit. But either way, I'm glad to have her in my life :) After we'd gone about a half a mile, I knew what I needed to do. Sara was full-steam Team Disney and really thought I should go for it. She kept giving me all of these reasons why she thought I should go and they were making a lot of sense. Sara said absolutely everything that she should've said in that circumstance. But my mind was going about 1,000 miles a second and I knew what I needed to do.
And as soon as the words "You know, I'm not going to go. I'm going to turn down the offer" came out of my mouth...I instantly felt at peace and totally calm about the entire thing. I expected to feel really disappointed and upset and bummed out about missing out...but I didn't. And as I write this a few days later, I still feel really good about the whole thing. It feels right. And i know it is right. I'm feeling really confident about my decision. I took a few days to respond to the email to turn down the offer...but I did. Physically clicking the "no" button was really intense. But it's done :)
The way I look at it is this: there's only one chance to experience this semester with everybody that's going to be here. People get engaged and get married all the time. People are graduating or going on missions or transferring to other schools. Disneyworld isn't going anywhere. If the timing is better in a few semesters, maybe I'll go later on. But if not... I'm pretty lucky to be going to the school I'm going to. I'll take small-town Idaho over Mickey Mouse in a heartbeat because the people I've met up here are pretty darn awesome.
Well, hold on. Let me back up to last Friday night. After moving back up to school last month, it's a safe bet to say that I've spent the majority of my time at my friend Stephanie's apartment. We're in the same apartment complex, but she's on the second floor and I'm on the first. Aside from sleeping or doing homework, I'm pretty much living at Steph's apartment. It works out quite nicely though because she has an empty bed in her room since the girl living there has left to serve a mission. So Friday night, I decided to just spend the night at Steph's apartment and then go with her up to the temple early Saturday morning.
I love being at school dearly...but there aren't many activities to choose from so we usually rely on card games. One of Steph's roommate has turned us on to playing this game called "PooHead". If you've ever played "Scum" or "Idiot', the rules are pretty similar. The game is strangely addicting! The last person to get rid of all of their cards is the PooHead. Who wants to end the night with the title of PooHead?! NOBODY wants to end the festivities with that kind of shameful name. So after about a billion times of saying "Ok wait no! One more round!" somehow we looked up and realized that we had been playing PooHead for 4 hour and it was now 3 in the morning. Blame it on the lack of sleep, but for some reason we thought it'd be a good idea to just not go to bed. The temple opens up at 6 am and we'd start getting dressed to go at about 5... Eh, why get only 2 hours of sleep? Might as well just stay up and sleep after the temple. So how do you kill 2 hours in the wee hours of the morning? Naturally, we got out Monopoly and passed the time that way.
At this point, I'd like to take the opportunity to speak out AGAINST staying up all night before going to the temple. It was fun and memorable, definitely. But probably not the wisest decision. Bless those sweet temple workers for keeping the chapel so nicely heated and warm...but I'll admit it was hard to keep my eyes open while we sat there... BUT it still was a good experience! While in the chapel, I was able to pray about the Disney College Program and I just didn't feel good about the whole situation. I wrote off my uneasiness as just being too tired and figured I wouldn't have to worry about it for a few more weeks.
To say that I was pretty surprised to see an email from Disney in inbox on Monday would be an understatement. I was accepted! They were offering me a place in their attractions department in Florida! I was stunned and excited and overwhelmed all at once. Spending a semester in Florida?! YES PLEASE! I've never been to DisneyWorld before and I was ridiculously excited!
I prayed a lot that morning, wanting so badly to just feel good about my decision to go to Florida. But I just DIDN'T. I was rationalizing and justifying and explaining over and over and over...and I just felt this empty pit in my stomach. I knew that was my answer, but I didn't want to believe it. So I called my Mom and told her. She couldn't talk long, so I emailed both of my parents and explained the program, how long I'd be gone for, what I'd be doing and the whole 9 yards. In hindsight, I think that I secretly was hoping that my parents would just talk some sense into me and tell me it wasn't a good idea. When I had told them about the program in the past, they both were pretty skeptical. But not this time! Both thought that it sounded like a great opportunity. I think my Dad emailed me about 9 different versions of an Excel spreadsheet to estimate how much money I would becoming home with. The parental units stated they would support me with whatever I chose to do.
There was no more relying on them. The decision was totally on me. Before getting the acceptance email, I had mentally made fantastic plans to be productive and get homework done...but that all went out the window as soon as Disney became an option. I had no idea there were SO many blogs written by college kids doing the Disney College Program. In case you're wondering, there are a ton. I got sucked into it. I read and read and read and read. I REALLY wanted to go.
But then I began to really think about what I would be giving up. One of my best friends will be coming home from his mission in August and fall semester will be his first semester up at school. My cousin will be home in July and he'll be up at school too. I haven't seen either one of them in 2 years! Fall semester would be my last semester with my roommate Hannah before she graduates. I'd miss out on all of those wonderful bonding opportunities watching The Vampire Diaries with her! I'd miss having weekly dinners with my cousins. I've always lived over 12 hours away from my extended family, so have weekly dinners has been a really fun tradition now that we're all at the same school. And maybe it's because so many people around me are getting engaged and married, but there are really a limited number of holiday seasons that I'll get to spend with my family before I actually move away, get married, and then have to split holidays up between my family and the in-laws I'll one day have. We went to Disneyland for Thanksgiving last year and there's really nothing more beautiful than Disney when they're celebrating Christmas...but to think that I'd miss out on Christmas morning... Was working with Mickey Mouse really worth all of that?? I've been out on my own for probably about a year and a half now. I absolutely LOVE it! I love the independence that comes with it! But I've always lived with people who have shared my faith. There's no guarantee who my roommates would be. Working 50 hours a week is a lot of stress...and to be living with people that I don't get along with? Florida would seem pretty lonely...
At this point in my decision-making, I was really conflicted. I texted my friend Sara and we went to the indoor track. Whenever one of us have something big on our mind, we go walking. It's therapeutic. I don't know if Sara necessarily tells me what I need to hear...or if it's just that she's a good sounding board to hear all of my word-vomit. But either way, I'm glad to have her in my life :) After we'd gone about a half a mile, I knew what I needed to do. Sara was full-steam Team Disney and really thought I should go for it. She kept giving me all of these reasons why she thought I should go and they were making a lot of sense. Sara said absolutely everything that she should've said in that circumstance. But my mind was going about 1,000 miles a second and I knew what I needed to do.
And as soon as the words "You know, I'm not going to go. I'm going to turn down the offer" came out of my mouth...I instantly felt at peace and totally calm about the entire thing. I expected to feel really disappointed and upset and bummed out about missing out...but I didn't. And as I write this a few days later, I still feel really good about the whole thing. It feels right. And i know it is right. I'm feeling really confident about my decision. I took a few days to respond to the email to turn down the offer...but I did. Physically clicking the "no" button was really intense. But it's done :)
The way I look at it is this: there's only one chance to experience this semester with everybody that's going to be here. People get engaged and get married all the time. People are graduating or going on missions or transferring to other schools. Disneyworld isn't going anywhere. If the timing is better in a few semesters, maybe I'll go later on. But if not... I'm pretty lucky to be going to the school I'm going to. I'll take small-town Idaho over Mickey Mouse in a heartbeat because the people I've met up here are pretty darn awesome.
Saturday, March 9, 2013
FDRL 212 Unit 2 Choice 5: Counsel for Missionaries
This week, I chose to do option #5 for my first student assignment. For this choice, I had to read selected verses out of 1st and 2nd Thessalonians and pull out different concepts that would relate to specific actions missionaries should do in order to strengthen their message. These are some of the actions that Paul mentions:
"So being affectionately desirous of you, we were willing to have imparted unto you, not the gospel of God only, but also our own souls, because ye were dear unto us" 1 Thessalonians 1:8
It would be one thing for Paul to just write "love those you serve", but he doesn't. He exhorts them to "impart [their] own souls". There should be a deeper and more lasting love between missionaries and those that they teach. This love should be more than compassion and service. It should be Christlike love. While I'm not called to serve in this official capacity, this is something I would like to strive for in my own missionary efforts. When I share the gospel with those I am close with, I want to have more than just compassion for them. I really would like to impart my own soul to them.
- Be grateful and always give thanks to God
- Pray always--specifically pray for those you're serving for
- Remember that it is a labor of love and have patience of hope
- Teach by the Holy Ghost and be gentle
- Be bold in your God: speak to please God rather than men
- Don't use flattering words and don't seek for your own glory
- Let your investigators and those you serve/teach become dear to you
- Be holy, just, and unblameable
- Realize it is the word of God you are teaching rather than the word of man
- Behave in a way so that your investigators, converts, and new members can follow your example.
"So being affectionately desirous of you, we were willing to have imparted unto you, not the gospel of God only, but also our own souls, because ye were dear unto us" 1 Thessalonians 1:8
It would be one thing for Paul to just write "love those you serve", but he doesn't. He exhorts them to "impart [their] own souls". There should be a deeper and more lasting love between missionaries and those that they teach. This love should be more than compassion and service. It should be Christlike love. While I'm not called to serve in this official capacity, this is something I would like to strive for in my own missionary efforts. When I share the gospel with those I am close with, I want to have more than just compassion for them. I really would like to impart my own soul to them.
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